Coming to terms...

I am not saying that this is the end of our journey, because I don't believe it is.  Life has been hitting me hard these past couple of months since we've been home, and though I am not depressed, I am caught in waves of sorrow.  Having to come home without a daughter is hard, mixed in with the passing of my beloved grandmother it brings another loss that weighs heavy in my heart. 

I haven't been writing much, at least not here, because it forces me to face what I don't want and that is we are at a stand still.  We have a massive debt now that needs to be paid off before we can go forward again.  Next time I believe we will go through the hosting program first, the agency can't make any promises that the hosting child will want to be adopted, or that she is even able to be adopted but I believe in the long run this might be the way to go.

Adoption Agency...

I am sort of annoyed they haven't contacted us since we've gotten back.  At the same time I was relieved when they didn't call us in the first couple of days, giving us time to deal with our disappointment and such, but still we do have our 3rd visit and our hoping that by some miracle we can do it.   We've been home for almost a month so we are going to bite the bullet and find out what our options are. 

Keeping our fingers crossed and sending prayers to the powers that be.

Adoption is it really Selfish?

As I am trying to cope with our failed trip to the Ukraine, I have been reading up on blogs of families who had their adoption uncompleted and came across one that was disrupted.  She mentioned that she views adoption as a selfish quest.  This isn't the first time I have heard this, but it makes me wonder.  Is adoption really selfish?  I have pondered this and for the life of me I don't quite understand it.  Is being pregnant selfish?

I am not clear on this frame of mind at all.  I am rarely selfish willing to put others first, so this concept of adoption being a selfish choice honestly does baffle me.

For me being a parent isn't a selfish choice.  In fact (and it may disturb or offend some you) becoming a parent I never expected my kids to love me, let alone like me.  I grew up with a mother who was poison.  I can't even compare my mother to a villainous character, her perseverness went much deeper.  It pains me to say it but she was the most horrible person I have ever known, and worst she had so many people fooled.  

So with this not so shining example of motherhood, I still wanted to be a mom.  I loved kids, always have (though babies do make me nervous ~ they are so frail looking and tiny and yes I have had three of my own).  I wanted to be the mom I never had and never will.  I wanted to make sure my kids knew they had importance, and that their thoughts and feelings mattered to me.  I wanted my home to be more than just four walls, I wanted it to  be a sanctuary.  A place where they could be protected from the harshness of the outside world, and I have done that. 

And yes I have room in my home for a couple more souls to join in and share what we have here. I love the world we live in, and I know it isn't perfect, and life can royally suck.  Even still I feel so blessed and have so much love in my heart, that I am willing to embrace another soul and claim her as my own, with all the good, the bad, the uglies and the crazies.

I don't see how me wanting to do this is selfish, because the need is there, and I am more than willing to do my part and offer something special to a child who might not ever have a family.

In Limbo...

It's been over a week and no word from our agency (not that I am eager to speak with them, and I suspect their feelings are pretty much the same ~ if this comes across as harsh, it isn't meant to.  This was a huge disappointment and there is no blame on them.)  Saying we did our best is of no comfort.  I have a yellow bedroom with lace curtains that that has no one to claim it, and I can't even bring myself to enter it, for fear reality will hit and I am not coping as well as I hope.

Nothing is ever set in stone, life I believe would be kinder if it was.  You choose a path, a mission or quest, and you pursue it until you succeed or reach the end of your failures. This process has been going on in my head for 10 years.  I am not saying we were actively adopting for ten years, but the idea of adopting has been going on in our lives for that long now.  5 years ago we started to look into it, and started to save to buy a bigger home.  3 years ago, we moved in and the first thing we did was tear down a wall, put of two and add and extra window to our house for a fifth bedroom.   We did the PRIDE training, and I started doing my research into RAD.  I took parenting courses, in order to better prepare myself as to what I could do. 

My past was invaded and judged, my childhood tramas revisited, things that I hoped where long since buried were brought to the surface and lingered for several weeks, bringing with it some anger towards my parents, as well as myself for not being better, or stronger and waiting until I was married to find my backbone. 

So here we are now, waiting for a window to open, or even the same door.  This isn't the end for us, not yet. 

Dear Anon...

Anonymous7 June 2012 21:50 (We're Home)

OMG!! How horrible of Ontario to have put in place best practice requirements based on *GASP* best practices!! It is so awful that Ontario puts regulations in place that statistically increase the odds an adoption will succeed!! What are they thinking ?!?

It'd be sooooo much better if it could be an adoption free for all like in the USA. You could've brought home a kiddo only to disrupt a few months later like Autumn Winkle (buh-bye Yuri) and Kari Reilly (auf wiederstein Victor!!), and blog about how kicking the newly adopted kiddo you promised to be a "forever family" for is exactly the same thing that Jesus would have done!!!

Veronica;

OMG!! You are absolutely right.  If a family has TWINS, QUADS, SIXTUPLETS, what in heavens are they to do?  I mean they are all the same age!!! And couples who already have kids from previously marriages!  **GASP** How do they fit in with Ontario's Best Practice guidelines? 


Give me a BREAK!  There are many kinds of families, and not all of them fit into Ontario's Best Practice Guidelines.  I also believe that adopting older children who's age may be the same as another is fine too.  To put these practices and make them applicable to ALL adoptive families isn't fair, especially when it is bases on statics, and not indiviuals.  I know what would work for my family and so does our adoption practitioner. 

If I can make a difference, if I can make one person's life better, if I can offer a parentless child at home to call their own and accept them for who they are, the good and the bad, then shouldn't I try?

Yes it might fail and be disrupted, everyone has a breaking point.  We have talked about this, and we have even put our adoptions plans on hold as we learned about the issues we may be facing.  We've discussed our concerns, we're educated as we can be, and we have support systems in place should we need them.  As for the other families you mentioned, I don't know their situtation to comment.

But I do worry about people like you and the impact you create with your words.  You cast them out there like poison darts to people you know nothing of.

We're home...

We never made it to our third visit, and came home without a child.

 The day after we left Adoption Services Dale's hands started to swell, the next day his fingers were like sausages and started to ooze bloody puss all over his hands.  We went to the American Hospital in Kiev where they admitted him pumping him full of antibotics through IV.   The doctor believed it was a form of detemtisis, but couldn't be certain.  The antibotics worked and within hours the swelling subsided though he was in a lot of pain still.

Our third appointment was to have been the next day but with Dale in the hospital our adoption cordinator called to inform us that we would have to wait another week.  It was a hard decision but with Dale's hands in such bad shape, we decided to put our third visit on hold for a while, and come back to Canada.

It was a hard decision, and I know it isn't fair, but that is how the world works at times.  Dale & I had decided that it was either going to be an adoption or a second honeymoon for us.  It does bother me that the time we spent in the Ukraine we only got to see one child, and we waited 2 weeks for our second visit.  We were told there was a girl who fit into our tiny window of 5-8 years (Thanks Ontario Best Practice for Adoption Guidelines ~ would 1 year apart from my youngest really be so devestating?), but an Italian couple before us claimed her. 

Should anyone be considering adoption from the Ukraine my advice is:

Don't limit yourself, if you are open to a broader age group then do it.  Our limitations were put on us because my youngest is 10 and the Ontario governement like children to be 18 months apart in age.

Hosting a child in your home for a few weeks maybe in your favour.  We will be looking into this.
If you are willing to adopt siblings please consider it ~ more children will be made available to you.

Read up on Reactive Attachment Disorder, and Older Child(ren) adoption issues.  It isn't an easy thing to deal with.

Be prepared as best you can, learning the process, and speaking to other parents (we did go into this knowing there was a strong chance we would be one of several coming home without a child).

Understand the Cyrillic Alphabet, this will be of more use to you than you might imagine.

Grasp some understanding of Russian/Ukrainian.  This will come in handy, and even though your language skills maybe weak, (surprisingly it was hot water or just the word "Hot" came into use early on).

Learn how to cook!!!  This is a huge money saver.  I love cooking but honestly you can save $$$ just by not eating out.  If you can't/or don't want to cook an Ukrainian Cafateria is extremely reasonable.  We only went out for dinner once or twice a week and indulged in an internet cafe in the evening. 

On a side note learing the words of food you need  will help lesson your frustration as the packaging can be very different. For example milk came in a tetra carton not in the refridgerated section in one store.

 
Bring thick soled shoes, I purchased a pair of comfortable walking shoes but they didn't offer enough protection from the jagged cobblestone streets and sidewalks.  The sidewalks are a hazard in themselves and looking into shop stores while walking can give you a sprained ankle or wrenched knee if not worst.   They don't walk and text in the Ukrainian.


I hope that some of the above will be of use to someone out there.  As for where we stand now we aren't sure.  I have no regrets, we did our best, and it was a wonderful experience.  Dale's hands are still a mess, they now look like they have second degree burns.   We are happy to be home and with our boys, but it remains uncertain if we can return to the Ukraine for our third visit.  We hope so, but life isn't always fair.

Onto 3rd Visit...

Okay Trolls...Save your negative comments and go read an older post to which I've dedicated a blog just for you.

We didn't go see a second child and opted to move ahead with a third visit.  There was a couple of girls that sparked our interest but the person we were dealing with insisted that one of the girls was so mentally delayed she's started to regress and that she would never speak.

 (One of the problems is hearing that children don't speak is very common here, in fact a couple we've been in contact with, thanks to my tutor,who adopted a boy from the Ukraine was told he would didn't speak.  The boy walked into the room and said HI).

The fact that we were told the girl was regressing made me question what was going on as there could be a lot of reasons for this regression, and I wanted time to confer with my Aunt who is respected in the world of child mental health and helping children with both mental and phyiscal disabilties.  We decided we would not visit a child and move onto our third appointment as we quickly learned that the other girl who sparked our interest had a habit of strangling cats.  Considering we have pets at home and other children we decided against this girl.  We do wish her well tho.

If there are no more proposals for girls in our age group on our last visit (we have only been approved for ages 5-8 which is a very tight window) we will go and see the regressing/not speaking girl and decide if we would be right for her.

Thank you to all who have been praying, keeping postive thoughts, sending good wishes and blessings our ways. May God Bless You All!

Kiev...

I love Kiev!  It is small compared to Toronto (which is a plus for me) and the driving here makes me never want to step inside a car but I have fallen in love with the city.  There is a charm to the city that makes smile, with hidden gems down newly discovered streets around us.  As a lover of the old world and this is my first time setting foot across the ocean and I am not disappointed.

Today Dale & I just sat in the middle of the square and took in the sights while we were waiting for a bus tour that didn't happen.  The statues, and moments alone are simply breathtaking, but for me it is a staircase that winds down into a lower street that has an arched passageway set into the wall.  The passage way has long since been blocked up but there is a poetic charm to it that inspires my imagination.

The countryside isn't that different than then Canada, but the houses are gated in, and to all my suburban friends in the villages it is very common to see chickens in the patch of grass in front of the gates.  There are goats, cows, sheep, geese, and the occasional turkey too.  The fields are unmarked by fences and shepherds are often seen tending to their herds.

The Ukraine is a beautiful country, with horse drawn wagons, it is a mix of old and new with a less regulated society.  I am enjoying myself immensely and the food here is wonderful.  I am glad I learned Russian it has been helpful in naviagating around but even Dale who didn't study nearly as much is muddling his way around just fine.

Annoying Trolls...

Life is hard, it is never smooth sailing.  I loath people who think that if it isn't easy you should just stop.  If that were the case we would never have plumbing, electricty, cars,and I would hate to think of what the world would be like if people didn't stand up to their oppressors.  Do you know how many failures, heartache and disapointment they experienced because what they were doing mattered to them, how many people probably said to them they should just give up?

To those of you who insist, hint and down right commend the process I am taking I pity you for I think you must have never taken a stand in life.  Where is your courage? Where do you stand in the storms?  Cowering under a shelter watching others struggles and smirk to yourself saying "that is their lot."
as you watch others offer aid to those in need.

This is my stand.  This is my storm, and I will venture out and embrace the hardship of adoption, for it isn't for the faint of heart.  Adoption isn't about finding a perfect child, it is about finding the right family for a child.  There is a lot of hurt, and heartbreak that will take years of healing that adoptive parents need to be prepared for, and deal with the emotional scarring that will last a life time. 

We are looking a child who our family would be right for. It would be selfish to do otherwise.

First Strike out...

We are on our way back to the Kiev, sigh.  We met one of the sweetest 6yr old girls who reminded me very much of a foster child who stayed with us until she was adopted.  The girl we saw was healthy, had an engaging personality, but she was delayed mentally I'd classify her with a moderate to severe delay.  She didn't talk, or at least she could say Ma and cluck her tounge,and she undestood most of what was being said.  She seemed to take in everything.  Her story is very similar to the foster child I compare her too, and though she is delayed, it was my opinion that with the right set of parents she could become moderate to high functioning in society.

She has been in the orphange since she was just over 3yrs, and was very much like a six month old infant developmentally when they received her.

 However, Dale who doesn't have the same experience with special needs children wasn't convinced.  I'm not saying that I am an expert, She has made progress within the orphanage, she can feed, dress herself, is toilet trained, and walking, (albiet she is still a little clumsy).  She is very eager to please and showed herself to be patient with herself and those around her with not a single sign of aggression which is all too common in children with such a delay, in my books this is highly in her favour!  She didn't get frustrated when the stacking cups she was trying to attempt wasn't going well.  The orphanage personal did admit that she isn't getting all the help she needs from them.  I would have been willing to work with her, but Dale wasn't comfortable so I concided. 

We both need to be in agreement, but whoever parents this girl will have one of the most rewarding experiences in their life.  I am praying very hard for this child.

In The Ukraine???

I didn't think we would have made it here, but somehow we are.  Our family booked a trip to Cuba two weeks ago, (non refundable) and within half an hour of coming home our agency called.  Dale had worked out some of the kinks and now here we are.

Dale missed Cuba, to all of our disappointment and I flew four countries in 24 hours to get here, jet lag hasn't set in, while Dale is struggling with the lack of sleep.

I'm in a state of disbelief and shock at us being here and doing this.  I was so certain this wasn't going to happen.  We've had our first appt with the SDA (I believe that is what it is called)  And we are off to collect our paperwork in a few minutes.

My Russia is passable at least and I can pick up a few words, we had no hot water here, and that I could say we needed some, was awesome.  Dale and I picked up a couple of colouring books, and the detail to the Disney Princesses' dresses was beautiful, I would love to buy more of them, because I know my niece would love them.

On a side note, our translator, and cordinator are wonderful, so happy to have them. Thank you for all of your support, prayers and words of comfort. 

Last Post...The Perfect Parent.

I think our society looks too hard at parents nowdays.  Parents are judged in a snapshot scene by how they talk to their kids, how they dress their kids, how their kids behave, how they behave, and personally I find it offensive.  Someone I know overheard a mother saying that she would never take her child out in public in a sleeper (so she never did). 

When we were married and had our first born all we pretty much had for him were sleepers donated to us.  Not everyone has support, no one has perfect kids, and no one is a perfect parent (by society's standard). 

For me a perfect parent is one who does what they can and does the best that they can.  So what if the baby is out in public in sleepers?  Or a little boy wears the same shirt for three days in a row?
Or a little girl goes to school with her hair a mess?

Being a parent is hard, being a great parent is more so.  I am NOT a couch potato parent.  I am actively involved with my kids, and have received high praise from professionals who have worked with my kids at how engaging my kids are despite their diffculties.  My eldest according to them is a wonder.   I've just recently had my two younger ones reassessed by someone new and they were just as impressed, if not more so.  They even went so far to ask as "What do you do with them?" 

I do what any parent should do:

I play with them.
I teach them by breaking things down to their understanding.
I work with their teachers,
I do field trips to help them learn
I let them plan day trips so they can share things with me.
I give them what they need to succeed.

And yet, to strangers I am a failure as a mom.  My boys are unruly, but well mannered, unkempt most of the time, ( yes, my youngest has an issue with his clothes where he has to wear them for days in a row, but I am still working with him on it, and even then would anyone notice that I buy two or three the same? ~ probably not) and I have to pick my battles.  My boys don't sit still in church, and they don't understand things like other kids.  Me and my children have been outcast, sneered at, avoided by other parents who kids aren't LD.

Church leaders even went so far to have me teach my children Sunday school in the halls despite my efforts to explain that my children's learning levels were well below their peers, and this was their solution.  Instead of putting them into a younger class where the language/concept would be easier for them, they made them feel punished because they were LD.

I guess my point is people will judge, critcize and just be aware of what is going on in front of them without ever seeing the whole picture, or even wanting too.  There is no escaping the narrowed minded, short sighted, and wagging tongues.
If you are taking the time to invest in your children, meeting their needs, listening to them and letting them know they matter to you (and heaven knows it isn't always easy) then to me you are a perfect parent! 

This will be my last post...at least until our adoption break is over.

Take care to all the perfect parents out there! 

Full Stop..

I don't know what to say.  The clothes I've purchased I will be giving to my niece and friends of family.  We'll wait for our adoption practitioner to get back to us to see what other steps she would advise.  I find it hard to accept certain family members words of comfort, most are sincere, but the ones who have been openly against us adopting, still stick in my craw. 

We aren't giving up.  We're just taking a break.    Personally, I am tired of taking breaks when things don't go smoothly.  I'm pissed, annoyed, and just want it done!  I want my daughter(s).  I know they are out there, I see them in my mind's eye, I have an empty room in my house waiting to be filled.  But despite my wants, there is another person in this relationship who needs a break. ~sigh~

So I will concede, and let Dale take a few steps back before we muddle our way through another adoption venture.  A tiny part of me wants to give up and just let it go, but it doesn't feel right.  We have been considering adoption for 5 years, and pursuing it for 3 now.  We've moved into a bigger home, renovated to put in a fifth bedroom upstairs.   We've jump through so many hoops, and invested so much time, effort, money, and heartache.

Our adoption agancy wants to talk to us about our decision not to follow through with our plans in the Ukraine, but I just want to let it go.  We can't do it, there is no way now. 

Oh Wicked Blade...

With arms stretch out, I cast my heart onto the proverbial sword.


It isn't set in stone yet, but I think it is. I've told Dale I what I am willing to do.

I do this willingly, for we do have a choice, but the end result is not favourable, and that is where I must keep my eyes.  I have never shed so many tears in my life, I have never lost a child.  Today I feel like I did, in so many ways, and not just because of fate but also of cowardice, and that is what I find most shameful of all.

Full Stop!!! O God I hope Not!

We've hit a snag, a big one.  I thought we had everything covered, however it turns out that we did not. 

It has been two days of hell and I don't know what the answer is yet. 

Oddly enough money doesn't seem to be the issue here.  I mean it is, but not in the way I had first thought.

How could this happen?

Ready, Get Set, & SHOP!!!

YIKERS!!!

We just received word that we may be flying out in a few weeks time.  I have been hit with a roller coaster of emotions.  Shock I think is the first one.  Seriously!!! So soon.  I thought I have more time to buy things, some new outfits.  I'm still trying to find a suitable dress for myself.  I've picked up some more clothes for our girl/or donations for the orphange.  LOL, it was just today, Cyrus had some friends over and their little sister tagged along.  She wanted to see what I had purchased and noticingI had purchased different sizes, she tried on the shoes telling me that a certain pair were a good fit if I brought home a girl her age.  Too cute!

I feel so flustered, and giddy as a tween, and scared, Oh yes I will completely admit it.  There are so many "What if's?" that I have chewed my lipstick off.   Yes we want to do this, we will do this, but at the same time, what happens if we get a child with issues too big for us to handle?  I would like to think we could, we've done the reading about attachment issues, behavioural concerns, special needs etc. And even taken a week or so to really ponder if this is still what is meant to be.  But still what if I'm not good enough, I say the wrong thing and scar her for life? 

In my heart it feels right, my compass is set and it points to the Ukraine.  There is no reason why it should, only that since I was a child and I saw some Ukrainian dancers I felt a deep connection to the country.  I even did school projects and cooking classes on Ukrainian culture.

I had always been told the my family came from Russia, however it was the Ukraine that captured my heart.  After we started our adoption process only then did I learn that my ancestors actually came from the Ukraine and my great great grandfather had been born in Odessa. 

I am just glad that I made 4 shepherds pies today, with ingredients to make some chicken rolls up tomorrow.  Otherwise I might have been in full panic mode.  It does make me happy (albeit relieved) to have another item crossed off my list.

Sensory Processing Disorder...

Why didn’t anyone tell me about this earlier???

It just goes to show that there is always more to learn and uncover when you are dealing with kids.  All my three boys may have this, Alex can self regulate which explains a lot, he has this need to be active, he used to swing all the time, but this past year he runs and slides from wall to wall before school and after school.  We never really understood why he has this need to do it, but we understand his brain functions differently, and it helps him unwind.  Turns out he is self regulating. 

The other two I believe have some issues, Cyrus is overly anxious about things, and gets easily overwhelmed, while Preston who also gets easily overwhelmed, fidgets, and is impossible to get him to be still.  In fact we were told that it would be impossible for him to sit still, but no one ever mentioned this kind of disorder.  I get it is new, and a movement of awareness is starting to happen, but I wish I knew about it.  My kids could have benefited from this years ago.

Hopefully, it isn’t too late.  I was speaking with a friend last night who is familiar with my kids and she mention that I should look into it, and see about getting my kids assessed.    The place she works with only help children before they go into school.  I have a 10 year and two teens, and the only other place near me isn’t taking clients at this time.  It is the local library for my research then. 

 Is it wrong for me to get a little upset, when I spend thousands of dollars on assessments for their learning disablilities, and no one mentioned this?

Signed stamped and Delivered!!!

Yes!  Our agency gave us the okay that our papers in in order.   Dale and I went off to Fedex and mailed them last night.

Whoot! 

And than it hits me.

Now what?

Dossier Completed...

The last of the paperwork was done today, and will be Fedex as soon as I hear back from our agency. 

I am so excited!  I went shopping again, Walmart had clothes on their clearance rack from $3.00 to $5.00 which I couldn't resist.  I also spurged and picked up three pairs of shoes in various sizes. 

I have no idea how customs works, I've never travelled outside of Canada before as an adult.  Do I need to cut the tags off these clothes?  It will be obvious that they aren't for me.  However, some of them I might be taking back with me, while others will be donated.  I would like to bring other donations, but I don't have a clue as to what to bring.  I read up on other blogs about bandaids, medical supplies, etc but how does it work to get them through customs?

I do recall reading somewhere that I should be looking at donating $500.00 worth of items to the orphanage. 

Any insight or direction to helpful web sites would be appreciated. 

With a heaping load of THANKS!

 

We Have Approval...

Words can hardly express my relief.  The black stains of my childhood no longer loom over my head.  My parents' actions hold no weight now.  I do not follow in their footsteps, and I can hold my head up high. 

Dale and I have been approved to adopt! 

I am almost in tears with joy.

Somedays It is just nice to Scream...

Ever want to just stand in the middle of a ring of children and throw your head back and let it all out!

Today I did it!  Between being "MOM" ed to death, the bickering, with the occasional fight over who's turn is next, and "When are we leaving?" I thought I was keeping my cool, but they seemed to have reached level of how can I outsmart Mom.

LMAO, not that they saw it.  Instead I just threw my head back and yelled at the top of my lungs.  Childish I know, but it felt great and seeing the looks on their stunned faces had everyone smiling. 

Then I guided Preston to the fridge where I have a list of house rules posted (with my kids, I tend to focus more behavoiur then chores). 

Our house rules:

1. Your room is your room. No one can enter without your permission, except mom and dad when needed.

2. Always knock before entering another's room.

3. Please help when asked.

4. Make a mess clean it up.

5. Don't interrupt

6. Share

7. Use your words.

9. Use your manners.

10. Hitting, fighting, breaking things or throwing things, will give you and instance TIME IN.

With three boys I find the number ten is the one the kids struggle with.  However, today, Preston and Cyrus were fighting over who's turn it was again.  Preston became frustrated and picked Cyrus up and tossed him on the sofa.  Cyrus was fine, and thought it was kind of fun too I'm sure.  Nevertheless he ran up stairs to tell on his brother. 

Preston's defense :"But I didn't hit, him."
To which I pointed out number ten again and explained throwing things also included your brother.

Preston took his seat on the stool to watch me work in the kitchen, while Cyrus scampered off. 

I had to keep my chuckles and smiles on the inside. Everything is now back normal, and I can put my focus into something I don't really enjoy, but do it anyways.  Baking ugh.  (Cooking is so much more exciting!)

Way Too Much Testosterone...

I don't know what it was about this weekend, but by tonight I am completely maled out.  I don't know if it is the screaming, the argruements between my teenage boys, Dale watching hunting tv or wanting to talk about hunting (which I get it is his hobby, but I really don't enjoy watching).

 I was watching Stardust, and I still feel like I'm living in a man's world.  Could be because Preston gets hyped up at the actions scenes, and yells as he acts them out.  Alex telling to him just as loudly to stop, while I try to get them settled and still watch the movie.  I feel drained, and really just want them to go to bed and stay there.

 I feel momed out despite that Dale and I took a walk together which was nice, but suddenly I'm feeling alone in a world of males.  I haven't spoken to a single female this weekend.  I need to get my super mom mojo back, and try to remember that this is my domain.  Sure the guys stuff is fun, but right now I'm thinking about slipping into my bathing suit with a cooler in hand and gazing up at the stars for a relaxing retreat into the hot tub.

Paperwork almost completed...

Yippy!  Though I maybe celebrating a tad early, we can see the end of our list, just two more documents and we will be done! We need to have more blood work done for the medical and it will be a week or two for the results to come in, but yes that is it! 

My arm hurts because while I was visiting with our kind hearted doctor, he decided I need a full out blood work out. OUCH! Okay okay, I'm being a total baby.  I hate needles, and have been known to faint a couple of times.  I have a fear of being pricked, childhood trama issues that I've never completely forgotten. 

Cyrus was with me due to his own aliments so it was good timing. The poor kid had a fever a couple of weeks ago and left him with a painful swollen gland, and he is holding my hand reminding me about last summer's vaction. What a cutie!

On a side note, everything with the "Certificate of Property Ownership" worked out.  Whew!  I can't tell you how relieved I am to hear that.

Certificate of Property Ownership ... Tips for Ontarians.

Good Grief!  Can paper work get any more tedious?  The City Clerk didn't put our middle names on it. Why?  Because we didn't use our middle names when we purchased our home, they did use the information from their tax roll information (MPAC), which had evertyhing on it. So yes, using that information they were willing to do up a letter of Property Ownership. 

However, our middle names weren't on the letter.  We don't know yet if this will be a problem or not, the city clerk wasn't able to speak with us so we are left hanging till Monday.  A new letter must be redone which includes our middle names.  We are really keeping our fingers crossed that they will accept our ID and add our full names to the letter.  Otherwise, we need to go through the entire process of having our deed of ownership changed to include our full names, and have it resubmitted to MPAC who will then submit it to the Clerk so we can have our full names on the letter.  I am keeping my fingers crossed that this isn't the case, and a meeting with the clerk is all we need to verify that we are who we say we are.

As much of a pain it is getting this letter done, I have to say the people that have been involved with it have been completely wonderful.  I think I am going to need to purchase a handful of thank you cards.  There are a lot of people who have gone out of their way help us get what we need.  

Many thanks to them all!

Certificate of Proptery Ownership???

A wrench has hit us square in the forehead.  At least that is how it seemed. 

Our good ole' city folk at City Hall, have no clue as to what this document is.  They refused to type us out at letter stating that it isn't their policy to do such a thing.  I guess not many people in our town adopt from the Ukraine.  However, Dale got in touch with one of the city councillors and YES!  We have someone who understands, and cares. 

The city councillor we got in contact with is familiar with the requirements of Eastern European countries (as well as international adoption! ) and has been working with the City Clerk's Office to help get things smoothed out for us.  I recieved a call today letting us know that the letter we require is on the Clerk's desk just waiting to be picked up.  I am keeping my fingers crossed that everything is the way it should be.

Now I'm off to bed, before my head hits the keyboard.  Night All!

The Paper Rush is ON!!!

Check, check, check... as the forms are being mailed out, and filled out.  We are on a roll.  Looks like the paper work for our dossier may be completed by mid Feburary ~ a month ahead of schedule! :D

We have checked, recheck, ripped up and redone several forms in order to get things right the first time, so we don't have to do any remailings.    We are keeping our fingers crossed that the delays from here on out will be small.  

Potty Mouths ARGGGHHHH...

What do you do when your child don't stop swearing? 

I have had it!  I've used the swear jar which they outsmarted and started to put money into it just so they COULD SWEAR!  Good Grief.  After that it was bye-bye Swear Jar.

Next it was if you use a potty mouth you have to clean the kitty's potty.  They threw up, and ended that clever consquence.

Reasoning doesn't work, telling them I don't like it doesn't work. 

Now my eldest swears when he thinks I'm not listening, but does it softly, and my youngest shouts it when I'm not around but I can still hear it. 

I get that they pick it up in school, but I am just frustrated.  I don't like grounding them over it, but I might have to, I believe that punishments should really fit the crime. And I don't consider soap in the mouth an option.

There is something tragic about a ten year old whose language is better suited to sailors and roofers, instead of child.

Careful What You Wish For...

With in minutes of publishing last nights post, an email came from our adoption agency.  :D  and though I am delighted, the forms we need to do (and do ASAP if we want to do this while the boys are still in school) came in.  Yikes!  It is an awful amount of paper work, but a day not done is a day wasted.  I need to go through them more thoroughly, but I have an idea of where to start. 

A note to other adoptive parents is don't look over them if you get them in the evening.  I suspect Dale was torturing himself and didn't get much sleep.  It is an awful amount of stuff to take in, from money due, and deciding what forms need to be done first, reading the fine print about doing it right.  The Ukraine Government seems to be a little fincky, but who can blame them? 

Get yourself a good night sleep! 

Silence is TORTURE!!!

We are still waiting for our homestudy to be processed with the Ontario Government.  It should have been submitted a month ago but due to changes the Ukraine Government has made there was another couple of glitches.  Not to mention that Dale noticed his passport was about to expire and needed to resubmit it.  Finally, we have our homestudy on the way to the Ministry’ Office.  Things are quiet now, too quiet.  We are suppose to be working on some forms, but they were outdated and an need to be redone. 

It’s been three weeks now since our last email from our adoption agency and I am restless.  Trying to stop myself from going insane, computer games have been in the forefront of my life next to writing while the kids are at school. 

I don’t want to be a pesty parent, but I think I’m going to have to be.   Right now I’m waiting for Olha, my Russian tutor to arrive, but due to stormy weather I think she’s decided to bail.  All well, I have a fully loaded pasta dinner to enjoy,  and I can practice my newest Russian phrase. 

Hold my hand, please.   Держи меня за руку, пожалуйста (and yes I can actually read Russian now.  I may not know what I'm reading, but I can say it pretty goood.  LMAO )

Buying For Our Child...

I started shopping today, and I'm so proud of myself that I didn't go over board.  The reading that I've done suggests buying clothes here, as they are more expensive in the Ukraine.  But how does one go about shopping for a child when you only have a hit and miss guess as to what size they are?

I hit the clearance rack at Walmart.  I figured that whatever didn't fit could be donated to the orphanage.  I am assuming that we may be getting a girl around the 8 year mark, but we have been approved for as young as 5.  That's a big jump in sizes.  I figured if things were a little too big she'd grow into it, but for now I purchased two pairs of jeans, size 7 & 5, two tops, a hoodie, and a package of socks and underwear. 

It was a very surreal experience knowing that I was buying clothes for a daughter that I've never even met.   It's not like picking out baby clothes, where you know pretty much everything will fit at some point, and they won't care what colour it is, or if it has kittens or hearts on it.  It should have been enjoyable, and it kind was, but it felt frustrating at the same time.  It wasn't the same as shopping for my nieces, when I know their hair and eye colour, and style would best suit their body type.  There is a certain satistfaction in finding that one outfit that you know will look great on someone special, and instead I felt like my purchases will have to make do.

So while I have to accept my "make do purchases" for now,  it does bring a smile to know that it won't be forever.

Schoolitis Anyone? (When a Child Fakes Being Sick A Lot!)...

From Math attacks to making himself throw up, what is one to do with a child who refuses to go to school?   And when I do send him he often calls home complaining of being sick. 

I believe in school, I often tell my kids it is the best thing they can do for themselves when they complain about it.  I attend parent teacher meetings, even for my high school child.  (I was shocked to learn that none of the LD parents made the effort to speak with their child's intergraded teachers).  I am a firm believer that words without actions mean nothing.  It is one thing to say school is important, but by God they will know "what" and "how" they do at school matters to me.

It is harder for them due to their learning disabilities, and Cyrus is struggling, he is in a regular grade 4 class with an IEP (indivual Education Plan) and has extra support.  Though, I don’t object to the occasional day off, which rarely happens and even then it is Alex, faithful in his attendance, who asks for it.   Cyrus is missing about 1 day a week.  

I used to do lunch dates with my kids in rotating shifts, once a month so they can have some special one on one time with me.  However, I haven’t been able to do since my youngest is constantly (and sometimes Preston) is  playing sick.

I know Grade 4 is hard, but the fact that he is making himself sick has me concerned.  I’ve called the school a couple of times and spoke with his teacher.  This morning, however, after another plea and a bucket line with chucky spit accompanied with empty wretchings, I called and spoke with the special education teacher. 

It is amazing how a phone call to the right person can change things. I really hope it works out better for Cyrus.  We did come up with a plan that Cyrus would come see her first thing in the morning, instead of going straight to his regular class, as he seems to thrive better with her.  I am keeping my fingers crossed that things will be going better now.  Next year we both are hoping that Cyrus will go into a smaller class that will lessen his anxiety.  But for now, we will have to wait and see.

What To Pack???

Well the New Year has arrived and I couldn’t be happier.  We started the day with homemade egg McMuffins and took the boys to see Mission Impossible 3.  They were on the edge of their seats for the entire movie.  I loved it, and so did everyone else.  Then after the theatre everyone seemed to have had their cranky buttons pushed, and I was having none of it. 

I told the kids that I wasn’t going to join in their “Its not Fair” cries, and that even though we couldn’t do lunch at a restaurant, because we are being more responsible with our money,  I had hamburgers waiting to be tossed on the BBQ along with a special treat of curly fries.  And knowing the man I love best in the world , who was grumbling about the kids not understanding things,  among other things, he received a playful slap on the derriere and a plate of food in front of him to snack on while I set about getting lunch started.  Now that everyone is fed and in a much happier place I can focus on this.

So with the New Year here, my mind is focusing on traveling to the Ukraine. 

I’ve been doing a lot of research into what to bring.   But the one thing that is chaffing me is I can’t seem to find a place that sells an anti theft purse.  It is a purse with metal mesh in the lining, and straps to prevent someone cutting it open.  I am hoping to purchase one before we go.  I’ve also been buying small packets of wipes (because I’ve heard that they stingy or don’t even use toilet paper).  I want to pack light but when you expect to be staying there for several weeks it’s really hard to know what exactly to bring.

So far on my list is besides the obvious ~ I don’t think I need to tell you how many pairs of underwear I’ll be bringing and such lol.

Ziplock bags

All in one makeup kit.  (This is hard as I do enjoy makeup but I figured getting a makeup kit with travel brushes would take less space than bringing several containers that I’d really hate to lose.)

Small package of laundry soap

Adapter/ surge proctector  ~ not sure where to get this, but I haven’t really started looking yet.

Small backpack for our daughter.

Stuffed toy (already purchased)

Extra prescriptions for eye glasses/ medications

Phone numbers for embassy

Papers in pocket file folder ~ complete with photocopied passports.

Deck of cards / Travel games

Complete Guide to International Adoption and other reading material

Pens/papers

Sleep masks

Gifts/gifts bags for Orphanage directors.

It seems that I may be missing a lot without listing toiletries/clothes but I have never travelled before. Or rather I should say that the only time I went on an airplane was when I was 7 and my mother did the packing for me.   If anyone has further suggestions I am open to them.  ~ to be quite honest I feel that my list seems to be frightfully lacking.~