Saturday, 24 March 2012

Last Post...The Perfect Parent.

I think our society looks too hard at parents nowdays.  Parents are judged in a snapshot scene by how they talk to their kids, how they dress their kids, how their kids behave, how they behave, and personally I find it offensive.  Someone I know overheard a mother saying that she would never take her child out in public in a sleeper (so she never did). 

When we were married and had our first born all we pretty much had for him were sleepers donated to us.  Not everyone has support, no one has perfect kids, and no one is a perfect parent (by society's standard). 

For me a perfect parent is one who does what they can and does the best that they can.  So what if the baby is out in public in sleepers?  Or a little boy wears the same shirt for three days in a row?
Or a little girl goes to school with her hair a mess?

Being a parent is hard, being a great parent is more so.  I am NOT a couch potato parent.  I am actively involved with my kids, and have received high praise from professionals who have worked with my kids at how engaging my kids are despite their diffculties.  My eldest according to them is a wonder.   I've just recently had my two younger ones reassessed by someone new and they were just as impressed, if not more so.  They even went so far to ask as "What do you do with them?" 

I do what any parent should do:

I play with them.
I teach them by breaking things down to their understanding.
I work with their teachers,
I do field trips to help them learn
I let them plan day trips so they can share things with me.
I give them what they need to succeed.

And yet, to strangers I am a failure as a mom.  My boys are unruly, but well mannered, unkempt most of the time, ( yes, my youngest has an issue with his clothes where he has to wear them for days in a row, but I am still working with him on it, and even then would anyone notice that I buy two or three the same? ~ probably not) and I have to pick my battles.  My boys don't sit still in church, and they don't understand things like other kids.  Me and my children have been outcast, sneered at, avoided by other parents who kids aren't LD.

Church leaders even went so far to have me teach my children Sunday school in the halls despite my efforts to explain that my children's learning levels were well below their peers, and this was their solution.  Instead of putting them into a younger class where the language/concept would be easier for them, they made them feel punished because they were LD.

I guess my point is people will judge, critcize and just be aware of what is going on in front of them without ever seeing the whole picture, or even wanting too.  There is no escaping the narrowed minded, short sighted, and wagging tongues.
If you are taking the time to invest in your children, meeting their needs, listening to them and letting them know they matter to you (and heaven knows it isn't always easy) then to me you are a perfect parent! 

This will be my last least until our adoption break is over.

Take care to all the perfect parents out there! 

Thursday, 22 March 2012

Full Stop..

I don't know what to say.  The clothes I've purchased I will be giving to my niece and friends of family.  We'll wait for our adoption practitioner to get back to us to see what other steps she would advise.  I find it hard to accept certain family members words of comfort, most are sincere, but the ones who have been openly against us adopting, still stick in my craw. 

We aren't giving up.  We're just taking a break.    Personally, I am tired of taking breaks when things don't go smoothly.  I'm pissed, annoyed, and just want it done!  I want my daughter(s).  I know they are out there, I see them in my mind's eye, I have an empty room in my house waiting to be filled.  But despite my wants, there is another person in this relationship who needs a break. ~sigh~

So I will concede, and let Dale take a few steps back before we muddle our way through another adoption venture.  A tiny part of me wants to give up and just let it go, but it doesn't feel right.  We have been considering adoption for 5 years, and pursuing it for 3 now.  We've moved into a bigger home, renovated to put in a fifth bedroom upstairs.   We've jump through so many hoops, and invested so much time, effort, money, and heartache.

Our adoption agancy wants to talk to us about our decision not to follow through with our plans in the Ukraine, but I just want to let it go.  We can't do it, there is no way now. 

Wednesday, 14 March 2012

Oh Wicked Blade...

With arms stretch out, I cast my heart onto the proverbial sword.

It isn't set in stone yet, but I think it is. I've told Dale I what I am willing to do.

I do this willingly, for we do have a choice, but the end result is not favourable, and that is where I must keep my eyes.  I have never shed so many tears in my life, I have never lost a child.  Today I feel like I did, in so many ways, and not just because of fate but also of cowardice, and that is what I find most shameful of all.

Tuesday, 13 March 2012

Full Stop!!! O God I hope Not!

We've hit a snag, a big one.  I thought we had everything covered, however it turns out that we did not. 

It has been two days of hell and I don't know what the answer is yet. 

Oddly enough money doesn't seem to be the issue here.  I mean it is, but not in the way I had first thought.

How could this happen?

Tuesday, 6 March 2012

Ready, Get Set, & SHOP!!!


We just received word that we may be flying out in a few weeks time.  I have been hit with a roller coaster of emotions.  Shock I think is the first one.  Seriously!!! So soon.  I thought I have more time to buy things, some new outfits.  I'm still trying to find a suitable dress for myself.  I've picked up some more clothes for our girl/or donations for the orphange.  LOL, it was just today, Cyrus had some friends over and their little sister tagged along.  She wanted to see what I had purchased and noticingI had purchased different sizes, she tried on the shoes telling me that a certain pair were a good fit if I brought home a girl her age.  Too cute!

I feel so flustered, and giddy as a tween, and scared, Oh yes I will completely admit it.  There are so many "What if's?" that I have chewed my lipstick off.   Yes we want to do this, we will do this, but at the same time, what happens if we get a child with issues too big for us to handle?  I would like to think we could, we've done the reading about attachment issues, behavioural concerns, special needs etc. And even taken a week or so to really ponder if this is still what is meant to be.  But still what if I'm not good enough, I say the wrong thing and scar her for life? 

In my heart it feels right, my compass is set and it points to the Ukraine.  There is no reason why it should, only that since I was a child and I saw some Ukrainian dancers I felt a deep connection to the country.  I even did school projects and cooking classes on Ukrainian culture.

I had always been told the my family came from Russia, however it was the Ukraine that captured my heart.  After we started our adoption process only then did I learn that my ancestors actually came from the Ukraine and my great great grandfather had been born in Odessa. 

I am just glad that I made 4 shepherds pies today, with ingredients to make some chicken rolls up tomorrow.  Otherwise I might have been in full panic mode.  It does make me happy (albeit relieved) to have another item crossed off my list.

Monday, 5 March 2012

Sensory Processing Disorder...

Why didn’t anyone tell me about this earlier???

It just goes to show that there is always more to learn and uncover when you are dealing with kids.  All my three boys may have this, Alex can self regulate which explains a lot, he has this need to be active, he used to swing all the time, but this past year he runs and slides from wall to wall before school and after school.  We never really understood why he has this need to do it, but we understand his brain functions differently, and it helps him unwind.  Turns out he is self regulating. 

The other two I believe have some issues, Cyrus is overly anxious about things, and gets easily overwhelmed, while Preston who also gets easily overwhelmed, fidgets, and is impossible to get him to be still.  In fact we were told that it would be impossible for him to sit still, but no one ever mentioned this kind of disorder.  I get it is new, and a movement of awareness is starting to happen, but I wish I knew about it.  My kids could have benefited from this years ago.

Hopefully, it isn’t too late.  I was speaking with a friend last night who is familiar with my kids and she mention that I should look into it, and see about getting my kids assessed.    The place she works with only help children before they go into school.  I have a 10 year and two teens, and the only other place near me isn’t taking clients at this time.  It is the local library for my research then. 

 Is it wrong for me to get a little upset, when I spend thousands of dollars on assessments for their learning disablilities, and no one mentioned this?

Friday, 2 March 2012

Signed stamped and Delivered!!!

Yes!  Our agency gave us the okay that our papers in in order.   Dale and I went off to Fedex and mailed them last night.


And than it hits me.

Now what?

Thursday, 1 March 2012

Dossier Completed...

The last of the paperwork was done today, and will be Fedex as soon as I hear back from our agency. 

I am so excited!  I went shopping again, Walmart had clothes on their clearance rack from $3.00 to $5.00 which I couldn't resist.  I also spurged and picked up three pairs of shoes in various sizes. 

I have no idea how customs works, I've never travelled outside of Canada before as an adult.  Do I need to cut the tags off these clothes?  It will be obvious that they aren't for me.  However, some of them I might be taking back with me, while others will be donated.  I would like to bring other donations, but I don't have a clue as to what to bring.  I read up on other blogs about bandaids, medical supplies, etc but how does it work to get them through customs?

I do recall reading somewhere that I should be looking at donating $500.00 worth of items to the orphanage. 

Any insight or direction to helpful web sites would be appreciated. 

With a heaping load of THANKS!