I am not saying that this is the end of our journey, because I don't believe it is. Life has been hitting me hard these past couple of months since we've been home, and though I am not depressed, I am caught in waves of sorrow. Having to come home without a daughter is hard, mixed in with the passing of my beloved grandmother it brings another loss that weighs heavy in my heart.
I haven't been writing much, at least not here, because it forces me to face what I don't want and that is we are at a stand still. We have a massive debt now that needs to be paid off before we can go forward again. Next time I believe we will go through the hosting program first, the agency can't make any promises that the hosting child will want to be adopted, or that she is even able to be adopted but I believe in the long run this might be the way to go.