We just received word that we may be flying out in a few weeks time. I have been hit with a roller coaster of emotions. Shock I think is the first one. Seriously!!! So soon. I thought I have more time to buy things, some new outfits. I'm still trying to find a suitable dress for myself. I've picked up some more clothes for our girl/or donations for the orphange. LOL, it was just today, Cyrus had some friends over and their little sister tagged along. She wanted to see what I had purchased and noticingI had purchased different sizes, she tried on the shoes telling me that a certain pair were a good fit if I brought home a girl her age. Too cute!
I feel so flustered, and giddy as a tween, and scared, Oh yes I will completely admit it. There are so many "What if's?" that I have chewed my lipstick off. Yes we want to do this, we will do this, but at the same time, what happens if we get a child with issues too big for us to handle? I would like to think we could, we've done the reading about attachment issues, behavioural concerns, special needs etc. And even taken a week or so to really ponder if this is still what is meant to be. But still what if I'm not good enough, I say the wrong thing and scar her for life?
In my heart it feels right, my compass is set and it points to the Ukraine. There is no reason why it should, only that since I was a child and I saw some Ukrainian dancers I felt a deep connection to the country. I even did school projects and cooking classes on Ukrainian culture.
I had always been told the my family came from Russia, however it was the Ukraine that captured my heart. After we started our adoption process only then did I learn that my ancestors actually came from the Ukraine and my great great grandfather had been born in Odessa.
I am just glad that I made 4 shepherds pies today, with ingredients to make some chicken rolls up tomorrow. Otherwise I might have been in full panic mode. It does make me happy (albeit relieved) to have another item crossed off my list.