Wednesday, 20 July 2011

Family Bitter Whispers...

When adoption brings out the uglies in family, your angels will make themselves known.

Just when I’m about to brace myself a bee comes along a plants its stinger in my butt, tiny, and annoying but still there. 
Why is it that family has a way of getting under the skin more easily then other people?  I just got off the phone with my sister, and though she doesn’t understand my reasoning for adoption, she is supportive and upfront with her opinions.  However, it turns out that a certain family member woke her up at  8am this morning with their undies in a bunch over our adoption plans.  I am NOT going to go into the nitty gritty details, but God Bless my sisters!  They have been upfront, honest and despite their concerns, extremely supportive.   I so want to put them in their place with tongue lashing that they really deserves. 

My kids are cherished and they have a good sense of self and great self esteem.  I’ve worked hard with them in helping them maintain it; I’ve fought school boards, teachers, church leaders and even family members who through decisions or careless words may have robbed their self esteem.  My children’s self esteem is so vital to their happiness.   Every morning I wish them good morning ask them how they slept while I get, or they get breakfast.  I spent time with them, listening, helping them, and do my darnest to keep my promises to them. 

Self esteem isn’t built on praise alone; it is built on the perception of others.  And I make sure my kids see that they are the most important people in my world.   I firmly believe that actions speak louder than words, and so I give them my ears, my voice, my time, my patience, my help, my efforts, my reasoning, my kindness, my space, my arms, and more importantly I give them their space to try new things, to calm themselves down, and let them make mistakes and when they do I tell them it’s okay because they are learning.

I am hurt, but not surprised.  This person has a knack of tearing strips off of people, making light of their accomplishments, and delighting in their screws ups.  I will not deny that I have issues with this person.  Family is complicated, some members more so than others.  I am disappointment, but at the same time resigned.  They will never change.  They will never grasp how their actions and words affect those around them.  They can’t.  It is just how they are, and how they cope through life.  If you are reading this, and thinking that I haven’t tried hard enough, that’s okay.  You aren’t in my shoes, though you might have been in a pair that walked the same miles.  Change has to come from within, and can’t be forced no matter how hard you want it too.

Despite the hurt and disappointment that they couldn't come to me directly about their concerns and the horrible mistake they believe that we are about to make, I am at peace with this.    

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