Reflections...

I am senstive when it comes to family.  I realize that people aren't perfect, especially my own family, but what chaffs me is their lack of foresight. 

Everyone is thrilled when a baby comes into the family, "fresh from heaven", as a family friend would say.  But mention bringing in an adopted child and the excitement isn't the same, there are concerns, fears, misconceptions and a butt load of "what if's."

Telling people that you are answering your heart's call, isn't easy to put into words.  I had one family member call us selfish, and sent us a long email of how full of their judgments and how this isn't Christ's will, which ended off with:

"If Veronica really wants to do something worthwhile she should get job." 

Yeah, they really said that, as though they view mothering a motherless child isn't a worth while job.  So what happenes with all these little unseen cuts?  I know they will have to be address and handled with care.  I'm scared by how certain family members will react to our child.

Some don't matter because the persons who said them don't play a big role in our families lives, but what about the ones who do play a greater role in our family's lives.   I know better than most how words can leave permant scars on a person's soul.  If their words are hurting me I can only imagine how their careless words will affect our adopted child. 

Will they see her as someone less, and will not count her as their "real" relative?  If they can't accept our daughter do we cut back on visits or severe ties completely (which may result in them blaming the child).  Of course, I am prepared to do that as a last result.

I hope that they will come around, but I feel they've tainted themselves now.  That they won't accept our child with open arms.  They will be judging her more harshly, because we didn't raise her for the first few years of her life.  They are prejuice against her already and they haven't even met her.

I wish I knew how others coped with this, because I can't be the only one going through this who's relatives are so narrow minded.

Family Bitter Whispers...

When adoption brings out the uglies in family, your angels will make themselves known.

Just when I’m about to brace myself a bee comes along a plants its stinger in my butt, tiny, and annoying but still there. 

Why is it that family has a way of getting under the skin more easily then other people?  I just got off the phone with my sister, and though she doesn’t understand my reasoning for adoption, she is supportive and upfront with her opinions.  However, it turns out that a certain family member woke her up at  8am this morning with their undies in a bunch over our adoption plans.  I am NOT going to go into the nitty gritty details, but God Bless my sisters!  They have been upfront, honest and despite their concerns, extremely supportive.   I so want to put them in their place with tongue lashing that they really deserves. 

My kids are cherished and they have a good sense of self and great self esteem.  I’ve worked hard with them in helping them maintain it; I’ve fought school boards, teachers, church leaders and even family members who through decisions or careless words may have robbed their self esteem.  My children’s self esteem is so vital to their happiness.   Every morning I wish them good morning ask them how they slept while I get, or they get breakfast.  I spent time with them, listening, helping them, and do my darnest to keep my promises to them. 

Self esteem isn’t built on praise alone; it is built on the perception of others.  And I make sure my kids see that they are the most important people in my world.   I firmly believe that actions speak louder than words, and so I give them my ears, my voice, my time, my patience, my help, my efforts, my reasoning, my kindness, my space, my arms, and more importantly I give them their space to try new things, to calm themselves down, and let them make mistakes and when they do I tell them it’s okay because they are learning.

I am hurt, but not surprised.  This person has a knack of tearing strips off of people, making light of their accomplishments, and delighting in their screws ups.  I will not deny that I have issues with this person.  Family is complicated, some members more so than others.  I am disappointment, but at the same time resigned.  They will never change.  They will never grasp how their actions and words affect those around them.  They can’t.  It is just how they are, and how they cope through life.  If you are reading this, and thinking that I haven’t tried hard enough, that’s okay.  You aren’t in my shoes, though you might have been in a pair that walked the same miles.  Change has to come from within, and can’t be forced no matter how hard you want it too.

Despite the hurt and disappointment that they couldn't come to me directly about their concerns and the horrible mistake they believe that we are about to make, I am at peace with this.    

Homestudy Almost Ready...

There is a butt load of papers ready to be handed in: from refence letters to the pets booster shots.  Today's focus is going to be going over the check list, and printing off my RAD reading list.  Adopting an older child isn't going to be easy, and there are a lot of hoops that I may need to jump through.  Despite the fact that I've read up on RAD and am following two blogs about some terrific parents who are raising kids with RAD, I can only hope that The Powers That Be will see that an older child is a good fit for our family. 

I've tried to do as much as I can to prepare for this.  I'm learning the language, am getting aquainted with the Ukrianian community, read up thoroughly on RAD, and other adoption books. I know being a parent isn't easy, and adopting is going to have it's own set of challenges.  I wish I could say I am prepared, Heaven only knows how prepared any prospective parent can be despite the thousands of books out there.  At least I am not going through this with rose coloured glasses on. 

I'm just waiting on my tutor's reference letter, and for our adoption practitioner to get back to us so we can set up some appointments. (Unless of course I've missed some thing on the checklist :P  )

Hosting Cancelled...

The 2011 Summer Vaccation Program for Ukraine orphans has now been cancelled.  There is a December hosting program that will be running if anyone is interested.  Unfortunately Dale and I cannot commit to it.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed for next year if all goes well, at least all of our focus can be put towards the adoption instead of both programs.  

Hosting Not Cancelled Now???

Okay, we have a window.  I received a call from the Ukrainian Summer Vaccation Program cordinator and has spoken with another family who signed up.  They've offered to still do the hosting program, and take on the extra cost that would have been split up between the others families who backed out.  If we go on with this, it does mean that we will have to cough up another grand.   Dale is thinking about this, because we have a few concerns now.  I know that part of the cost of this program covers the plane tickets for the children as well as their representatives from the Orphage who travels with them, passports, lugagge, medical insurance, etc.  

It seems a little strange that last years program was $2,800, (which we missed) and with these new changes has now almost doubled.

I know Dale really does want to do the hosting program so we'll be discussing it tonight.

Hosting No Longer...

Oh wow how things change.  It is a shame that this program is still so new in Canada. There are kinks that still need to be worked out, I am not certain of the details but there were issues, I believe, with the Quebec & Ukrainian Government.  I don't know exactly how many families signed up but I'm guessing the number was fewer than 10, maybe less than 5, and a couple of families backed out.  So the program has been cancelled.

We were going to have such fun with our host child.  I had planned trips to Medieval Times, The zoo and visiting local parks, and beaches.  I even purchased a lap harp with Russian /Ukrainian and popular North American folksongs music books just for her to take back to the Ukraine. 

We can deal with the disappointment of having our plans cancel, but my heart goes out to the children who thought they were coming to Canada for a few weeks.  It is such a shame for a child who has so little to be given the chance of a seeing another part of the world only to have it snatch away.  Life isn't fair, it really isn't.  At least I can do my best to be fair, and make the world a better place for those who cross my path.

Almost Ready to Host...

It is coming down to the crunch, and I honestly don’t know if we will make the dead line.  Our Adoption Practitioner hasn’t gotten back to us, as to whether or not she can do a home visit in time for the Ukraine Summer Vacation Program we’ve signed up for.  Her silence is complete torture, and I have to wonder if it is it too early to start biting my nails?

The paperwork for the Hosting program isn’t nearly as bad compared to the adoption paperwork, and it is sort of a nice lead up to everything.  I’m excited and at the same time terrified.  All the “what if’s” are starting to play in my head, and I just have to remind myself that nothing is set in stone.  True, the child we are hosting MAY become a future member of the family, or may not.  It is so hard because there are no guarantees, the child may be adopted into another family, and we have to accept that.  She may not like us, or just might not want to be adopted. 

I am keeping my fingers crossed, and turning my thoughts to a more positive nature, though somehow the saying I often quote; “Hope for the best and be prepared for the worst,” doesn’t sit well in my heart.   “Let be what will be, and let fate decide the rest,” seems to be better situated in this circumstance, and I can live with that.