Tuesday, 5 April 2011

I Wasn’t Going To But...

I am not one to bash authors, myself being a small fish I have great respect for those who have their books in print.  However, I cannot stand to read another one of this author’s book.  Some people may have truly benefited from the advice she gives; I can honestly say she does make valid points, several actually.
However, I absolutely loath her writing style for she comes across as condescending, smug and self important.  That she is an Angel for parents with adopted children, and she alone (though she does reference others) can save us.  (I realize that I’m contradicting myself in the previous sentence, but this is how she comes across.)
If the above wasn’t bad enough, she constantly promotes her website, other books she has written, her magazine or newsletter, and herself.  The author is an adopted child, and we are given insight into her feelings about being adopted, which I am absolutely be fine with, and appreciate even.  But every time I come across another self promoting sentence I have to stop reading.  I can’t pick it up for several days, because she has just annoyed the crap out of me (Subtly is not her strong point).  She sabotages the information she imparts, cheapens it, by making one question the true purpose of this book.  Is it to help and inform parents, or soon to be parents?  Or is it just a gimmick to sell more books?

I can usually finish a book, especially one this size, in a day & that is with taking notes.  I am on day 22. 
In my opinion a good writer doesn’t need to self promoted to the extent this author does (if at all).  If a person likes and connect with a writer they will generally go in search of more of their books.  However, and yes I am saying her name here, Sherrie Eldridge doesn’t seem to understand this.  She slips her works into tips, solutions, ideas, resources, and every time she does I feel that she loses more credibility.  She speaks about being confident and yet she throws herself at readers with her hands in the air as if a kid shouting, “Look At Me!  Look At Me! I know the answers!”  Granted this is why I picked up her book from the library in the first place, though was hoping for a more objective view. 
I have one of her books on my recommended reading list, because it touches firmly on the loss and grief associated with adoption, and in her book (the one I’m reading now) “20 Things Adoptive Parents Need to Succeed” again touches again on grief, grief and wait more grief.  I am certain there are other subjects in there that I read, (Loss comes to mind) here but everything comes back to...you guessed it Grief.  I do appreciate the section on “Understanding your child’s heart language,” and the grief box idea was interesting, and I did take special note of both of them.   
With that said, I am sorry Ms. Eldridge but my brain will not allow me to EVER read another one of your books.  Your words of wisdom get lost in your desire to self promote, and I would like to learn from someone who doesn’t have such an obvious second agenda.
My advice to Ms. Eldridge is simply this; put your book list, website, newsletters, and a conference speaker for hire, etc... in a Resource section at the end of the book and leave them there.  And instead of using yourself to fill in blanks, reach a little further. 
To readers: if you want to read her book, be sure to have a pen and paper handy so you don’t have to go through them again.
As for this one, I am not going to subject myself to it any longer. 


  1. I have a hard time getting through her stuff as well. I actually am an adopted child and find that some of the stuff she states in her work are very different for me.. and that is what makes it hard for me to read. I, too, find her a little condescending and sometimes with an "all about me" attitude and so I stop. I like this post... it's honest. I believe that there is a LOT of grief in adoption... but again, like you said, there are many more things to the story than grief. If I can say one more thing, and I don't mean to sound rude or smug or condescending in the least, but there is NO way we as adoptive kids can give you as the parents the "things you need to succeed"! We haven't been there, we have been on our side... and until we have been on that side we can't. We can give you ideas and things that worked for US, but again, we children are ALL different. We all come with different baggage and "warwounds" than the other... so there are NO exact answers. There is just tips and advice. That is in my opinion. I don't think there is one answer on how to raise an adopted child cuz if there were there wouldnt be so many dissruptions or families struggling. SO, as an adopted kid, if I can offer one piece of advice: go off of what your heart tells you. There are hundreds of books out there that will tell you the things that will "work" for your child and "heal" your child... and while some of the ideas work, others might not! You will know! Just follow your heart! I think you will make an awesome adoptive mom... IDK you personally, just from your blog, but you seem to want to learn and do everything you can for your newest member of the family! adoption is a great thing, while so many things are tied into it (like a lot of up's and down's), it IS something amazing! You are awesome! Thanks for this post! :D

  2. Thank you for your kind words and input. I feel like I'm bracing myself against a storm with all it's glory and strength coming at me. I know adoption doesn't end when the adoption is finalized, and that it will be a life changing experience for all those involved. I expect that we will have our share of bumps, bruises and cuts along the way. Though it is what I expect to find at the end of it that makes this so worthwhile to me. A woman who can embrace the world around her, and make her own stance in life regardless of the weather it may bring.

  3. You have such a GREAT attitude!! :) I like it! You are going into adoption willing to accept all possibilities and looking past all of the possibilities of negativity ruining your life. Your focus is the outcome of this experience and the positiveness of it!!!! You are definitely awesome!! Thanks for looking at this from all sides... :) Good luck, and I am so happy for you! Your family sounds perfect for this!! :D