Last night after discussing things with Dale, we’ve decided to move forward. So it’s time to bite back my own insecurities and face our first hurdled of being judged. I know people say that the adoption practitioner isn’t a judge, but really they are. No one who gives birth needs to have a home study done to see if they will be fit parents, and yet to adopt a child everything is exposed, from back ground childhood tragedies, to your parenting style to what goes in the bedroom.
After going through the Children’s Aid, where everything was exposed, the social worker brought up concerns about my abusive past among other things, as to which other than being ignorant or a victim, I had no part in. She left me with the feeling of somehow my parent’s actions reflected on me, and therefore I was unfit.
But that was then, and never one to take being down in the dumps for long, I dusted myself off, looked into parenting courses and signed myself up. I’ve put into practise some of the ideas the course I offered. We’ve hold family meetings often in our house hold, making plans with the kids, but the idea of a more formal meeting with the breakdown the instructor offered was brilliant, and can be found in his parenting books "Practical Parenting" & "Parent Talk".
The household itself seems to run more smoothly, the kids are aware of what was decided in the meeting and refer to it often. The bickering between the boys is less, not gone, but hey they worked together at putting the groceries away without a fuss.
With this in mind I am ready to face the judge. Okay honestly, I’m nervous, but if I can just be me, as I am now, I’ll be fine.