As I am trying to cope with our failed trip to the Ukraine, I have been reading up on blogs of families who had their adoption uncompleted and came across one that was disrupted. She mentioned that she views adoption as a selfish quest. This isn't the first time I have heard this, but it makes me wonder. Is adoption really selfish? I have pondered this and for the life of me I don't quite understand it. Is being pregnant selfish?
I am not clear on this frame of mind at all. I am rarely selfish willing to put others first, so this concept of adoption being a selfish choice honestly does baffle me.
For me being a parent isn't a selfish choice. In fact (and it may disturb or offend some you) becoming a parent I never expected my kids to love me, let alone like me. I grew up with a mother who was poison. I can't even compare my mother to a villainous character, her perseverness went much deeper. It pains me to say it but she was the most horrible person I have ever known, and worst she had so many people fooled.
So with this not so shining example of motherhood, I still wanted to be a mom. I loved kids, always have (though babies do make me nervous ~ they are so frail looking and tiny and yes I have had three of my own). I wanted to be the mom I never had and never will. I wanted to make sure my kids knew they had importance, and that their thoughts and feelings mattered to me. I wanted my home to be more than just four walls, I wanted it to be a sanctuary. A place where they could be protected from the harshness of the outside world, and I have done that.
And yes I have room in my home for a couple more souls to join in and share what we have here. I love the world we live in, and I know it isn't perfect, and life can royally suck. Even still I feel so blessed and have so much love in my heart, that I am willing to embrace another soul and claim her as my own, with all the good, the bad, the uglies and the crazies.
I don't see how me wanting to do this is selfish, because the need is there, and I am more than willing to do my part and offer something special to a child who might not ever have a family.
Adoption is NOT selfish! It is a wonderful way to build a family and give an orphan the security of having a family to call their own. I think those that view adoption as selfish don't understand two things: 1. that the decision to adopt isn't instantaneous - it is often difficult to arrive at, takes much careful thought, and in some cases grieving and 2. that adoptive parents aren't "buying" a child - the fees associated with adoption (at least international) are almost all social services/court/official fees and that we do this because these children deserve a family no matter how difficult it may seem to get them home. I can't believe people actually think adoption is selfish! I'm with you - I just don't understand that.
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